How Not to Sell Newspapers

A representative from the Star Tribune called me today asking if I wanted to sign up for a weekly subscription to the newspaper. I was honest with him and said that we don't really read the paper at all. When we do feel like catching up on local or world events we use the internet. Then I added that we would be moving in a month anyhow, so it didn't make much sense. 

"Where are you moving to?" asked Newspaper Man. 

I knew right away that he was going to  try and sell me the whole 'We Are Available In All Parts of Minnesota' schtick.

So again, I opted for the truth. 

"Actually, we're moving to Japan. I'm not even kidding."

"Really?!"

"Really."

"Wow" he replied. "That's great! Hey, here's an interesting fact for you. Did you know that Japan has a population of 1.3 billion people compared to the US population of 300 million?!"

For a moment I thought to myself that I would let that one go, that I wouldn't be that jerk, that idiot, who calls you on something brilliant that has just poured out of your mouth. 

But I couldn't resist.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's China that you're thinking of. Yeah, China. Japan's population is only about 120 million people."

"I don't know" he said,  "I'm pretty sure I heard the official statistic during the last Olympics."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was China that had the Olympics last year, but Japan has hosted them as well a few years back." I added that last point to make sure that Newspaper Man didn't feel too embarrassed. 

We proceeded to chuckle over this quaint conversation we were both having, and in jest I bet him that I was right.

He told me that when I get to Japan, I should drop him an email to let him know.

"How 'bout you just google it" I said to Newspaper Man.

"That's not a bad idea! It would be much faster than waiting for you to fly to Japan. Hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is China that has 1.3 billion people. It's still a lot of people though. They must be all crammed into little huts and living like animals."

He didn't actually say that part about the animals. I added that in there for effect.

The 'huts' comment though is totally true. 

"Yeah....soooo...we won't be needing a newspaper. Really. We get pretty decent information over the internet. But thanks anyhow. I totally appreciate your time."

Lesson to be learned from Newspaper Man:

If your going to try and sell a product, use it yourself and make sure it works.