Matthew Moment #1

Matthew: Hey! Why did you log off my facebook?

Me: Sorry. I didn't know you were using it and I wanted to check mine.

Matthew: Grrrr. I was in the middle of a survey, now I have start all over again.

Me: Was it really that important?

Matthew: Yes! How else am I supposed to find out if I'm a Jedi or a Sith?

How Not to Sell Newspapers

A representative from the Star Tribune called me today asking if I wanted to sign up for a weekly subscription to the newspaper. I was honest with him and said that we don't really read the paper at all. When we do feel like catching up on local or world events we use the internet. Then I added that we would be moving in a month anyhow, so it didn't make much sense. 

"Where are you moving to?" asked Newspaper Man. 

I knew right away that he was going to  try and sell me the whole 'We Are Available In All Parts of Minnesota' schtick.

So again, I opted for the truth. 

"Actually, we're moving to Japan. I'm not even kidding."

"Really?!"

"Really."

"Wow" he replied. "That's great! Hey, here's an interesting fact for you. Did you know that Japan has a population of 1.3 billion people compared to the US population of 300 million?!"

For a moment I thought to myself that I would let that one go, that I wouldn't be that jerk, that idiot, who calls you on something brilliant that has just poured out of your mouth. 

But I couldn't resist.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's China that you're thinking of. Yeah, China. Japan's population is only about 120 million people."

"I don't know" he said,  "I'm pretty sure I heard the official statistic during the last Olympics."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was China that had the Olympics last year, but Japan has hosted them as well a few years back." I added that last point to make sure that Newspaper Man didn't feel too embarrassed. 

We proceeded to chuckle over this quaint conversation we were both having, and in jest I bet him that I was right.

He told me that when I get to Japan, I should drop him an email to let him know.

"How 'bout you just google it" I said to Newspaper Man.

"That's not a bad idea! It would be much faster than waiting for you to fly to Japan. Hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is China that has 1.3 billion people. It's still a lot of people though. They must be all crammed into little huts and living like animals."

He didn't actually say that part about the animals. I added that in there for effect.

The 'huts' comment though is totally true. 

"Yeah....soooo...we won't be needing a newspaper. Really. We get pretty decent information over the internet. But thanks anyhow. I totally appreciate your time."

Lesson to be learned from Newspaper Man:

If your going to try and sell a product, use it yourself and make sure it works.

Zoo-topia

Weekends at our house are ridiculous.

Matt works hard all week and by the end of it, he just wants to come home and spend a couple days resting, reading and relaxing. I, on the other hand have been pulling the three R's all week long and by Friday night I am ready to do something...anything...so long as it is out of the apartment.

This past weekend I was starting to go a little stir crazy and I let Matt know with some subtle gnashing of teeth that I needed out of our cave. 

So he took me to the Zoo. 

The Como Zoo is free, so it totally fits into our recreational budget. 

It also fits into just about everyone else's budget too, so the place was packed out with crazies from all around town. 

Yes, the Zoo was a bit of a Zoo, busy with kids and moms and dads and other random unidentifiable family members.

Like any Zoo I suppose.

When we were in India, we visited the local zoo's. They were pretty sad. Small cages and stir crazy animals pacing around their quarters with wide, crazy eyes. They had these signs up all around the property that would tell people not to make loud noises to try and catch the attention of the animals. Of course no one would obey the rules (It's India for crying out loud, you can't tell a billion people to be quiet!) 

I thought our experience at Como would be different because it was a western zoo, with western zoo principles. That was not the case. The only difference I could tell was that there were no signs telling people to shut up and stop roaring at the tiger...so of course, there were lots of roars, and even some meows. Poor tiger. The cages were only a smidgen bigger than the Asian Zoo's we'd frequented. The park itself was almost identical in layout and structure to one we visited in Trivandrum. So much for western progress. It also looked like the animals here were suffering from the same type of dementia we'd seen in caged creatures abroad. They would pace around their quarters looking for a way out. They seemed desperate to leave. So what do we do? We roar at them. 

There were a couple moments of inspirational awe.

The first were the two silver-back gorilla's. What was shocking about them was how human they were. Large, powerful beasts with hands, just like us, picking grass with their fingers, sitting on rocks upright like they were sitting on chairs, munching away. They mostly kept their backs to us, and I felt that they did that very intentionally. Their body language spoke volumes: " We know you are there, but we really don't care much for you. Why won't you just go away?" Occasionally, the male would glance up and look straight at you. You had a feeling that you should be looking away, but all I could do was stare at his massiveness, straight into his eyes and think "this gorilla could rip my head off without the least bit of effort."

The other inspirational moment I had was at the snow leopard cage. There were 2 of these cats and they were SO gorgeous and incredible. What made them even more amazing was their rarity. There must be less than 5000 of them in the world. When Matt and I were in Pakistan, we would often hear about the elusive creature, native to the mountains, who was slowly going extinct because of poaching, but also because of the Taliban. I'm not even joking. The war in Pakistan and Afghanistan  has encroached on this animals natural habitat and it is slowly losing its home. We even met a Pakistani trekking guide who became excited at the thought of having seen one alive in his lifetime. This was a man who had been leading treks through the mountains of his country for decades, and the only one he'd ever seen had been captured by a research group. He had never seen one in the wild. 

Back to the zoo. 

I was having a special moment with the snow leopards. They are different from the rest of the cats in the joint. They have a peace and calm about them and are the only animals I observed who weren't pacing around their confines looking for a way out. I think they are smarter than that. They know there is no way out. So what were they doing instead? Eating grass, licking each other and one came over and took a piss right in front of us. Incredible. And as I was sitting there, watching these majestic animals doing their thing, I was rudely interrupted by "Hey Ricki! Come on over here and get a load of the Cheetah's!!"

Cheetah's?

Cheetah's!

I wanted very badly to turn around and yell:

"For God sakes woman, it's a SNOW LEOPARD not a cheetah! Have some respect, will you! There's only 5000 of these guys left, so the least they deserve is to be correctly identified! I mean, can't you read the sign...it says right here in large bold letters SNOW LEOPARD!"

But I didn't. I didn't want to become part of the human zoo that was gathering around us. Kids screaming, beer guts jiggling, moms getting pissed off at dads, and all of them roaring at the poor tiger.

We zipped through the rest of the park quickly and breathed a deep sigh of relief to be out and away from all the people. I'm sure that's how the animals feel around closing time. 

They are probably very happy to be rid of us.

Make A Run For the Border

After spending a week at my parent's place waiting for my passport to be returned from American Immigration, and then another week sitting around waiting for my flight back to Matthew, I am finally back in the US of A. The flight home was a bumpy one, but in the end I got here in one piece. A fitting analogy to the adventure we have been through trying to accomplish something as simple as living with your spouse legally. 

Just for the record, no, I am not an American. My status is officially 'Permanent Resident', also known as 'Alien Resident' (I'm not even kidding...I even have an Alien Registration Number). This means that I have to fulfill a bunch of requirements before I'm allowed to stay. If I fulfill them within a certain period of time, then I will be granted Citizenship. I feel a lot like a home appliance from Walmart. As long as I don't break down before my warrantee is up, then they can never send me back to Customer Service.

The first week here was exciting.

Matt treated me like a sack of potatoes during the Irish Famine (ie. like GOLD).

Things haven't changed too much though, so I fell back into my normal routine of eating/sleeping/web-surfing quite naturally. There are some small adjustments that I have made to my daily schedule.

a. I'm forcing myself to wake up earlier so as not to waste the beautiful daylight hours.

b. Every day or so I go through my Pimsleur's Audio Japanese Course. Sumimasen! Eigo ga wakarimasu ka?

c. I am looking for some short term work before I leave for Japan. It's not easy. 

In the meantime, I am back volunteering at the Steeple People Supply Store, sorting, pricing and drinking lots of the free coffee. (Please people, when donating clothes to organizations, leave the dirty underwear out. If you won't wear them, no one will.) 

With summer here I'm more focused on food then ever. I've pulled out all sorts of cookbooks from the library, and I make trips to the grocery store just to drool over the produce section. Finally, local green things are pushing their way out of the ground and I don't have to solely rely on California or Florida to be the source of my salad. Matt seems unaffected by the current seasonal miracle of asparagus and artichokes. Brats and burgers was his main source of nutrition while I was away and he doesn't seem to be breaking with that trend now that I'm back. Obviously, we have a hard time grocery shopping together, but there are always occasions to celebrate. On-sale scallops made it into the cart this time, along with some olives and a juicy, juicy mango. Hmmmm. Now all I have to do is figure out how to cook scallops.

I should be off. The landlord is coming to inspect the apartment this morning. Apparently it has already been rented, so we are out of here by June 30th!!! Woot! Woot! Summer change is here.